For many engaged couples, the guest list is the first step in wedding planning: many factors, including the budget, overall vision, and venue capacity can make determining who gets the invite a difficult decision. One solution for trying to include as many of your loved ones as possible? Creating a “B-List.”
What’s a “B-List?”
A “B-List” means that couples send invitations out in two rounds. The first group of invitations goes to the closest family members and friends.
As their RSVP’s begin rolling in, couples then send additional invites to the second round of guests based on the number of guests in the first round who are unable to attend.
While a “B-List” seems like a workable way to tame a growing guest list, it can end up creating another problem: if guests find out they didn’t make the initial cut, they may feel offended.
So, in this month’s edition of “Ask a Real Bride,” we’re asking couples who used a “B-List” how they made every guest feel like they made the “A-List!”
Tip #1: Make sure your “B-List” doesn’t interact with the “A-List”
If your goal is for the B-list guests to never know they are, in fact, B-list guests, secrecy is key. You’ll want to be sure they don’t interact with anyone who is part of the initial round of invites!
“Initially, our “A-List” was just family and a few close friends. When we realized we had a few extra spaces available, we extended invitations to our coworkers.” –Elizabeth M.
This is a great strategy because the group of coworkers is completely separate from the family and friends who got the invite first. The “B-List” should be reserved for distinct groups of friends or relatives who won’t know that they’re receiving an invitation months later.
Tip #2: Take Note of the Timing
If you send out your initial round of invitations 8-10 weeks before the wedding, and immediately receive a few “no’s,” you might get away with mailing B-list invitations without your guests knowing they are, in fact, on the B-list:
“I think as long as the invitation is being mailed 5-6 weeks before the wedding, your guests wouldn’t even know they’re B-list invitees.” –Jeanne B.
You might even consider printing a different set of reply cards with an amended reply-by date:
“We needed a B-list because our venue was tight on numbers, and our family is huge! Obviously, everyone that was at our wedding would have been on the “A-List” ideally, but that just wasn’t an option for us. We sent out the first batch of invitations with an earlier RSVP date. Then, once we had a better idea of numbers, we sent out a second batch of invitations to the “B-List” with a later RSVP date, but still within a reasonable timeframe, so it didn’t seem like they were an afterthought.” –Mandy Z.
If you’re concerned about estimating the later date for the “B-List” invitations, the response card could simply say: “The favor of a prompt reply is requested.”
Tip #3: Sometimes, last-minute is fine!
While sending a printed invitation is always preferred, there are some guests who won’t mind receiving a personal phone call a few weeks or days before the wedding. In general, any last-minute additions should be local to the wedding and the type of guest who is generally easygoing and fun! Read on for some real-life examples:
“This is truly the perfect situation for brand new friends who wouldn’t expect an invite and are so pleasantly surprised and happy to get a last-minute invite to fill a spot or two!” — Alex E.
“We had some cancellations and were able to fill it with some of my brother’s friends. I think the key is identifying people that are fun and that you would like there but won’t be offended that they were on the B-list.” –Madeline R.
“This is exactly what I did for my daughter’s wedding. There were 3 couples that were parents of her friends that we grew close to over the years. When more room opened up, I called them before sending the invitation. They all enthusiastically attended!” –Phyllis M.
Another way to fill those spots? Plus ones and kids!
“You could always give a plus one to someone who didn’t have one to fill in the gaps if people drop out at the last minute.” –Ashia J.
“We really weren’t sure if we could include my teenage cousins at our wedding. When a few of our friends RSVP’d no, there was suddenly room for them to come! Being 15 and 16 years old, they were thrilled to get dressed up and join their parents at the wedding.” –Elise F.
The best way to invite at the last minute is an enthusiastic phone call. Be upfront: “We’ve had some unexpected room at the wedding, and we would love for you to join us!” Promise to follow up with a text or email sharing all the details. That way, they won’t feel pressured to respond on the phone.
“The “B-List” Bottom Line:
Proceed with caution: your “B-List” guests should be people who will be unaware of their secondary status, and sending an amended RSVP card is an effective strategy for maintaining secrecy. As with every rule, there are exceptions: new friends and coworkers, as well as younger family members, might not mind a last-minute personal invite!
I hope the advice from our real brides helps you determine if a “B-List” is for you–and that each of your guests feels honored to be part of your big day!
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Let me know what topic you’d like us to tackle next! And if you’re interested in learning more about etiquette, gift-giving, and celebrating in style, be sure to subscribe to the RegistryFinder GiveIt blog for weekly posts on wedding etiquette, bridal showers, wedding trends, and, of course, wedding registry guidelines and tips! As always, refer your guests to RegistryFinder.com, where they can conveniently locate all of your registries in one place!ne if a “B-List” is for you–and that each of your guests feels honored to be part of your big day!
