The “workplace shower” is a somewhat modern practice that doesn’t always follow the traditional rules of wedding etiquette—and that’s okay!
Dear Cheryl,
My coworker got married two weeks ago. She didn’t invite me or anyone else from the office, and I completely understand given the high costs of weddings. Our coworkers never organized a shower due to scheduling, so I thought of possibly organizing a small celebration now (I don’t think I would call it wedding shower since the wedding has already occurred).
Do you think it is too late for a party – just a cake and a small gift? Or will the intentions be appreciated?
Thanks,
Erin
Hi Erin,
Although you’re not obligated to do so, celebrating your coworker’s wedding would be a kind gesture, even though the event has already occurred. This is the etiquette around wedding gifts and showers from a guest’s point of view.
- If you are invited to a wedding, you should send a gift, whether or not you can attend.
- You do not need to give a wedding gift if you are not invited to a wedding.
- Only those invited to the wedding are invited to a shower or other pre-wedding events.
However, gifting is at the discretion of the giver(s), and if you want to celebrate your work friend’s wedding with her, there is no “rule” against it if you don’t think it will make her uncomfortable.
And I don’t think it’s too late. I’m sure your thoughtfulness would be appreciated.
I agree that your party should not be called a shower but a celebration for your friend. Talk to your coworkers to gauge their interest. If you decide to proceed, I recommend a small office party with a cake and a gift. You could collect contributions and purchase something from her registry or a gift card from her favorite store.
For more wedding etiquette tips, check our articles here.
If you have questions or comments about this post, gift giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
Questions in this column are received from readers. They may be edited for spelling, length, and grammar or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.
