If a couple invites their wedding guests to dinner after the ceremony, should their guests be expected to pick up the tab?
Hi Cheryl,
A dear friend of mine is getting married for the third time and it’s the groom’s second marriage. They are having a ceremony at the beach with no reception. She said we would all just go to a restaurant to eat after the ceremony and everyone would pay for their own meal. With family and friends, there will be 20 to 25 people attending. It does not seem appropriate to not provide any food for their guests. What do you think? She also said she is having a bridal shower and registering a few places.
Thanks,
Kathy
Dear Kathy,
It does seem odd to invite everyone to a restaurant for what will naturally be seen as a reception and not pick up the tab. It sounds like your friend desires a budget, low-key affair – which is fine. Even so, one should not invite guests to a wedding luncheon or dinner and ask them to pay. Whoever extends the invitation to an event is the host; the attendees are their guests. If there is a meal, it’s considered proper etiquette for the host to provide the meal for their guests. Her plan may cause confusion. Also, I don’t know how the invitation could be worded to communicate her intent unless she plans to do it by word of mouth.
Even so, you cannot do much unless your friend asks for your opinion. If it comes up in conversation, you can mention that it’s customary for the hosts to cover the cost of a meal or get-together after a ceremony, and other guests may not expect to pay.
Regarding the shower — hopefully, she’s not planning to throw a shower for herself. That is definitely not appropriate. However, there is nothing wrong with her friends getting together and having a party for her, but a “shower” for a third marriage seems a bit much. Also, there is nothing wrong with creating a gift registry. Friends and family may want to buy her wedding gift (regardless of the wedding’s formality), and it’s helpful for guests to have suggestions on what the couple needs or wants.
Whatever the reception arrangements, I hope you enjoy celebrating this special day with your friend. I’ve learned that when a friend does something we disagree with, sometimes it’s best just to cheerfully go along with it.
If you have questions or comments about gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
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Cheryl Seidel is the founder and President of RegistryFinder.com, an intuitive search engine that helps gift givers quickly and easily find online registries for weddings, baby showers, graduations, and more.
