The most often asked question in my “Ask Cheryl” inbox is how much to spend on a wedding or shower gift.
And while we all love a hard and fast etiquette rule, this is one of those questions that doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all answer. Read on for my advice and spending guidelines to help you budget for this wedding season.
How much should you spend?
A long-standing tradition is that all those invited to the wedding give the couple a gift, symbolizing their love and support for the newlyweds. The wedding gift custom is well accepted, but leaves many wondering, “What is a proper wedding gift, and how much should I spend?”
Unfortunately, there is no precise amount you “should” pay for a wedding gift or a set amount of cash you should give. Three factors determine how much you spend: 1) how close you are to the couple, 2) your budget, and 3) what you think is an appropriate gift. And since these elements are judged by your personal feelings and finances, what to spend can be confusing.
Let’s break it down:
What is your relationship with the couple tying the knot?
It’s common practice to spend more if the gift is for a close relative or if you are very close friends with the couple. You want to give a more generous gift to your best friend than to a friendly co-worker. (Refer to the chart below.)
What’s your budget, or what can you afford to give?
No one should spend more on a wedding gift than they’re comfortable spending or go into debt for wedding gifts and expenses. Your friend won’t expect a lavish gift if you are struggling financially. If possible, try to stay with a minimum of around $50. To help give options, most couples designate items on their registry for “group gifting.” You can contribute to a honeymoon experience or a more expensive gift. Or, pool your funds with a friend to purchase a more expensive gift. If the $50 minimum is beyond your means, get creative. Opt for a personal or sentimental gift that the couple may cherish even more.
Don’t use the price-per-plate guideline.
Some wedding guests try to decide how much to give as a gift by guessing how much the couple will spend to host them. However, attending a wedding is not about paying for the event; it’s about being hosted by the couple or their parents. Additionally, it’s impossible to know their actual costs, and asking about them would be quite rude.
“It’s a bad idea to use the price-per-plate as a measure for how much you should spend on the wedding gift,” says Jessica Silvester, a deputy editor and wedding expert with New York magazine. “You wouldn’t give your best friend a less expensive gift just because she was having a more casual affair.”
Do you have a role in the wedding?
Being a member of a wedding party can significantly impact your budget. If you are a bridesmaid or groomsman, you’ve likely spent money on attire, pre-wedding parties, and travel, as well as invested time and effort leading up to the wedding. If you find that your budget is already stretched thin, consider pooling your resources with the other attendants to give one impressive wedding gift. Alternatively, you could stick to the suggested minimum of $50.
What about a destination wedding?
If you had to spend most of your budget on a hotel and travel to an exotic wedding location, then paying less for the wedding gift is OK. Most couples adjust their expectations.
How much should you spend on a shower gift?
When invited to a wedding or bridal shower, split your budget between the two gifts. Determine your total budget and divide it between the shower and the wedding gift, allocating a larger percentage to the wedding gift. For example, if your total budget is $200, you might pay around $50 on the shower gift and $150 on the wedding gift. No rules here – you can divide it in any way you choose.
Spending Guide
To help clarify, I’ve compiled some averages and guidelines for wedding and bridal shower gifts. Please note that these figures are averages for all income levels across the United States.
Please use the chart above as a guide, but customs in your family or area may be higher or lower, and what guests spend can vary significantly depending on the location or region.
The average amount spent on a wedding gift purchased through RegistryFinder.com in 2024 was $133, which was slightly down from the 2023 average of $ 136. (This average does include both shower and wedding gifts.)
We recommend purchasing early if buying a gift from the couple’s wedding registry. This way, you have the best selection of gifts and a range of prices to choose from. RegistryFinder.com makes it easy to find all the couple’s registries in one convenient location by simply entering the bride’s or groom’s name.
If you have questions or comments about this post, gift-giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding etiquette, please leave a comment below or email AskCheryl@registryfinder.com.
Readers submit the questions, but questions may be edited for spelling, length, grammar, or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.
Dear Cheryl
I have just found your website and have read the article on a “spending guide”. Are the $ amounts quoted for suggested wedding gift and shower gift amounts per person? If my husband and I are attending together should I double the amount? e.g. Friend or relative $100- $150 therefore if we both attend it would be $200-$300?
Thank you for your help
Hi Dawn,
The suggested amount is not per person. There is no formula to determine how much you should spend. It’s determined by how close you are to the couple and what you can afford. Both are subjective. These amounts are guidelines for all income levels, so they might be considered a minimum. The closer you are to the couple, the more you should spend, staying within your budget. If you are comfortable paying $200 to $300 for a friend or relative, that amount is not outside a regular wedding gift expenditure.
Best,
Cheryl