When a guest doesn’t bring a gift to a bridal shower, is the bride-to-be obligated to write a note thanking them for attending?
Dear Cheryl,
My daughter is writing thank you cards for gifts received at her bridal shower. She informed me that she did not receive a gift from my aunt and cousin. It was a display shower and she checked through all of the display cards, along with bridal shower cards.
What should she write in the thank you card?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
First, I need to ask if your aunt and cousin attended the bridal shower. If they didn’t, then it’s not expected that they would send a gift for the shower. However, I’m going to assume that they did attend, or you probably wouldn’t have asked.
Here are two suggested paths of action:
- Don’t write a thank-you note. Since your family members attended without a gift, it’s not necessary to write one. I suggest you let it go and assume they will give a lovely wedding gift if they are able. Although rare, it’s possible that your relatives decided to attend the shower without a gift because they didn’t have time to get one or, for some unknown reason, chose not to. They might have even objected to the idea of a “display shower.” I’m not a fan. The primary purpose of a bridal shower is to open gifts, see the excitement and pleasure on the bride-to-be’s face, and hear her sincere thanks in person. If there are too many gifts to open, then you’ve invited too many people. Call me old-fashioned!
Anyway…(slight pause as I climb down from my soapbox).
- If you’re concerned that the gift was misplaced, you can inquire about it. You’ll need to ask in person or over the phone, and asking can be tricky, but if you feel that’s the most likely scenario, then it’s best to ask. It does seem strange for someone to attend a wedding shower without a gift, since the whole point of the event is to “shower” the bride or couple with presents. However, sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. If you decide to inquire, be prepared for any answer. Regardless of what they say, be kind and say, “Thank you for clearing that up. We look forward to seeing you at the wedding.”
To summarize, if there is no gift, a thank-you note is not necessary. It’s not required to send a thank-you for attendance.
If you have questions or comments about this post, or about gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
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Dear Cheryl:
I attended a cousin’s “display” shower in April and have not received a thank you. My gift (a gift card to a store where the couple is registered) was in a small, unsealed box, thinking it would be displayed. I checked with another cousin, and she hadn’t received a thank you either. Have the rules changed about acknowledging gifts? Or should I be worried that the bride-to-be didn’t get the gift? Thank you.
Anonymous
Hi Anonymous,
No, the rules have not changed about writing thank you notes. The bride-to-be should have acknowledged the shower gifts by now. When is/was the wedding? It is possible that wedding planning tied up your cousin’s time.
My suggestion is that you ask your aunt if your cousin received the gift and let her know that you are worried that the gift card was misplaced (and that does happen). You can say that you are “sure that your sweet cousin would have gotten around to her thank you notes by now.”