When I got engaged, I just about instantly began planning my wedding: the venue, the atmosphere, the music, and, of course, the guests. Little did I know, I’d be accommodating the wishes of my in-laws and my own parents and managing expectations from extended family and opinionated friends. Planning my guest list was more overwhelming than I expected—and I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that!
To help you navigate the not-always-smooth waters of guest list planning, I’ve surveyed married friends and brides-to-be to compile the best tips that will get you through it, regardless of venue, budget, and wedding style. Take a look below for our step-by-step guide for building your perfect guest list:
Step One: Determine Your Budget and Vision
Before you start naming names, it’s a good idea to discuss your wedding budget and the type of wedding you’d like to have. From there, you’ll know your venue options and their capacities that will ultimately steer your final head count.
Cheryl’s Tip
“I recommend that you determine your budget first and then immediately start creating your guest list. (Probably the two most stressful discussions.) In a perfect world, you would figure out who you wanted or needed to invite and then pick a venue that can accommodate that number within your budget.
However, I realize that the venue is very important to many couples and is sometimes picked before the guest list is created. If this is the case then read on for help in creating your best guest list.”
Real Bride Tips
“We didn’t have a large budget, so we only invited family, no friends at all, so we didn’t offend anyone. We decided our headcount based on the venue and on how many people we could budget meals for, winding up at around 80 guests.” — Ashlee S.
“We paid for the wedding ourselves, so the guest list was 100 percent money-motivated. Once we decided to keep things small, we committed hard with no exceptions. If we hadn’t held back, we would have had at least 175 guests, but we ultimately ended up inviting about 30 people.” — Sarah C.
Step Two: Establish the Division of Guests Between Bride, Groom & Families
Much like I didn’t expect to be contending with my in-laws’ guest list wishes, plenty of other brides can feel out of control when it comes to keeping headcounts down and family happy. An easy way to keep the peace is to give everyone a set number of guests they have a say over and stick with it.
While there’s no one right way to divide up your guest list, it’s good to have some sort of system.
Here are a few ways you could do it:
- The couple gets to invite 50 percent, and each set of parents gets 25 percent.
- Divide it equally between the three parties.
- Split it down the middle between the bride and the groom.
Real Bride Tips
“We invited 300 people to our wedding, so my now-husband and I got to invite 100, my parents invited 100, and my husband’s family got to invite 100.” — Jessie M.
“Since my parents were paying for the wedding, they got to invite 30 percent of the total, my husband’s parents got 20, and my husband and I each got 25.” — Samantha H.
“We chose a venue that could only hold a certain amount of people, so we made a list including both of our families and the bridal party, then assigned each parent a certain amount of guests they could invite, with those paying for the wedding getting more guests.” — Francesca L.
Step Three: Try the Tier System
Now it’s time to move from numbers to names. Not everyone is going to have the same opinions on who should and shouldn’t be invited to a wedding. But having a system can take a whole lot of stress out of the process.
I like to think in terms of tiers. Begin with the most senior members of your families, and work your way down generationally. If you can’t invite an entire tier, don’t proceed to the next tier.
Here’s an example: begin with your grandparents if they’re still present. From there, move down to aunts and uncles. If you’re able to accommodate all of them, move down to the next tier: first cousins. If you can invite all first cousins and their spouses/partners, great! Continue on to more distant family members. If you can’t include all first cousins, come up with criteria to begin making cuts: maybe you invite all first cousins over age 18 or all first cousins with whom you share a close bond.
Remember: it’s easier to cut out an entire tier of guests than it is to decide individually who to include or exclude. Think about whether you want to include children, coworkers, and friends: maybe you only invite children from a certain family tier or who are above a certain age. Maybe you stick to friends you and your partner both know well and save other friends for the B-list (more on that later).
Depending on how you’ve divided up the guest list in step two, each involved party will need to work through their “tier system” to create their A, B & C list. A (must invite), B (would like to invite) & C (probably should invite if there is room) list. Combine the lists to see how many guests the blended A list includes and go from there.
Cheryl’s Tip
“For my daughter’s wedding, we all created our A, B & C lists (like mentioned above). Everyone added their list to one Google Doc, and then the negotiations started. Guests in question were discussed and moved around accordingly. My daughter had no venue restrictions, but she and her fiancé wanted to keep her wedding under 100 guests. When all was said and done, we invited 140 guests, with 112 attending. Even though it was more than she originally wanted, I reminded her that people are more important than numbers, and in the end, she was very happy with the outcome.”
Real Bride Tips
“My husband and I both have large, close-knit families, so we decided from the get-go that we wouldn’t invite any coworkers or friends we didn’t both know as a couple. It wasn’t always easy, but we were happy we made a hard-and-fast rule we stuck to.” — Danielle S.
“We decided on no kids across the board to help keep the numbers down.” — Haley S.
Step Four: Determine Your Plus-Ones
The people most often overlooked when a couple starts planning their guest list are: spouses, fiances, or live-in partners of guests, as well as the officiant and their significant other. Including these guests in your headcount early can save headaches down the road.
Cheryl’s Tips
“When inviting someone who is married or engaged, you should always invite them as a couple, even if you only have a relationship with one of them. The same is now true of someone who lives with their significant other or is in a long-term committed relationship. However, don’t feel as if you must include a “plus one” for your single friends or relatives. That is entirely up to you.”
Real Bride Tips
“We only included a plus-one for guests who were living with their significant other at the time.” — Francesca L.
“When it came to determining who would get a plus-one, we really only allotted them to those who were in a serious relationship. We didn’t want strangers at our wedding or to look back at our photos and wonder, ‘Who is that?’” — Lindsay D.
“My best friend still holds it over my head that her boyfriend wasn’t invited, but only one of our friends got a plus-one because they were married.” — Sarah C.
Check out our blog post, The Etiquette of Plus Ones for more Real Bride tips for determining your guest list.
Step Four: Count on Regrets & Have a B-List
I’ve never heard of a wedding that didn’t get at least a handful of “Will not attend” replies. When you’re creating your guest list it’s usually safe to build in a buffer in case of regrets. On average, you can count on a 10-15 percent margin, so if your capacity is 100 guests, you can invite 10-15 more guests to account for guests who can’t make it.
If you’ve got a hard-set number of guests you can fit into your venue or budget, it’s good to have a backup list of people you can invite once you start getting RSVPs. Check out our blog post, Is It Ok to Have a Wedding B-List? or read on below to find out how a few real brides have done it.
Real Bride Tips
“I made an A, B, and C list. If I had room after the A list, then I’d work through the B and C lists. It kept things even.” — Jessie M.
“We went through a few rounds. First was the VERY large list—our wish list. Then we made cuts and created a B list that included people we hadn’t spoken to in three months or longer. We came up with a number we are all comfortable with—then increased it by 10 percent to account for people who couldn’t make it. If after two weeks, we had some wiggle room, we invited guests on the B list.” — Samantha H.
While it’s (almost) never a walk in the park, wedding planning can be a lot easier with some help from us (and all our married friends!) here at RegistryFinder.com. We hope that these tips from real brides can help you when it comes time to narrow down that guest list.
Looking for more wedding planning tips?
Check out the Give It blog for all your marriage-related questions!
