Traditions like throwing the bouquet and cutting the cake are celebratory, but are they appropriate beyond the first wedding?
Dear Cheryl,
My upcoming marriage will be my third, and my fiance’s second. We originally planned to have a small gathering, but because of the size of his family it is turning into a larger celebration.
My question is if a bouquet/garter toss and cake cutting is appropriate for our third/second wedding. I don’t want to be tacky. Any help is appreciated!
Thank you,
Susan
Hi Susan,
You may receive conflicting advice when it comes to weddings that are not your or your partner’s first marriage. In today’s world, second and even third marriages are very common. The prevailing thought is that you should have any type of wedding you want, considering the feelings of others involved.
The items you mentioned are traditions and can be included or excluded depending on your preference. There are no rules against having these traditions at your second or third wedding.
Personally, I’m not a big fan of the garter toss, simply because it’s sometimes done in poor taste. Looking up how these traditions evolved can be fun. It’s supposed to be good luck for the groomsman who catches the garter — but its origins come from stealing the bride’s clothing to bring that good luck. It was also thought to be proof of marriage consummation brought out of the bedroom by the “witnesses”— no, I’m not kidding!
Tossing the bouquet or throwing the garter are completely optional activities, and many first-time brides exclude them from their festivities. Also, you can do one without doing the other. Replace those activities with something else, making your own traditions. You can give your bouquet to someone special, such as the couple that has been married the longest, your maid of honor, sister, or any other special guest, creating a great photo op.
If you plan to have a wedding cake, I do recommend a traditional “cutting of the cake.” It’s the time-honored signal that it’s okay for guests to say their farewells and depart without appearing rude. This mainly applies to older guests who find a long reception too tiring, and there are usually other guests who may prefer an early evening as well. If you really don’t want to make cutting the cake part of your festivities, you can choose another way to signal to your guests that it’s okay to say goodnight. Making the rounds and thanking your guests for coming might be a good option.
Because your event has grown larger than you wanted, you don’t have to change how you want the wedding and reception to unfold. Simply skip any tradition that makes you uncomfortable or isn’t part of your wedding vision.
Here are a few other articles that might help you with your decisions:
- Love and… Remarriage: Etiquette for an Encore Wedding
- AskCheryl: Etiquette of a Second Wedding— Anything Goes!
If you have questions or comments about this post, gift giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
Questions in this column are received from readers. They may be edited for spelling, length, and grammar or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.
