Whether you’re attending your first wedding or a seasoned pro, it’s sometimes easy to forget the do’s and don’ts of being a good wedding guest. But here at RegistryFinder.com, we’re all about helping wedding guests, so we’ve compiled this list of simple guidelines—some of these may seem obvious, but unfortunately, they do happen.
Before we get started, let’s talk about the most important rule for any wedding guest – IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. A wedding is about the love and commitment between two people. (And unless you’re one of those 2, this day is not about you!) Just stick with us; we’ll help you be the perfect wedding guest!
Wedding Guest Etiquette: Before the Wedding
1. RSVP as soon as possible.
RSVP is short for the French words “répondez, s’il vous plait,” which simply means: please respond. Most invitations include response cards or information about an online response. If they don’t, you can simply write a nice note to the bride or her family at the return address on the invitation envelope. Write a note? That sounds positively last century! Well, it’s not. (Who doesn’t like to get a handwritten note in the mail?) It would also be acceptable to email a response. But, whatever method you use, be timely. The number one complaint of engaged couples is that wedding invitees don’t RSVP.
2. Don’t ask the couple if you can bring additional guests.
This happens so often! From every bride ever – please don’t do this. Everyone invited to the wedding will be listed on either the outer or inner envelope of the invitation. If your children are not listed, they are not invited. If you’re single, the invitation will state whether you can bring a guest, usually as “and guest.” The couple has their reasons for inviting whom they invite. It could be budget, limited space, or preference.
Here are the rules for wedding hosts:
- All married couples should be invited together, even if you are only close to one member of the couple.
- If someone you wish to invite is engaged or living together in a committed relationship, the couple should be invited as a unit. I know this can get tricky, as the definition of a ‘committed relationship’ is open to interpretation, but I think you will know.
3. Make your own travel and accommodation arrangements.
Don’t expect the couple or their families to take care of you or pay for your accommodations.
4. Send a gift.
It’s proper etiquette to send the gift before the wedding or as soon after as possible. The myth is that you have up to one year after the wedding to send a gift. But this just isn’t true. Think about it: a whole year. Is that really logical in today’s digital world?
5. Buy something from their wedding registry.
Now, this one is a bit controversial. Miss Manners disapproves of gift registries, and as much as I love her, on this point, she’s behind the times. She doesn’t think couples should dictate what guests will purchase. But most people feel that if you don’t select your wedding gift from their registry, it feels like ‘I knew what you wanted, but I didn’t care.’ After all, isn’t the motive for giving a wedding gift to show your love and support for the happy couple? Not sure where they’re registered? Head to RegistryFinder.com. You can find any wedding gift registry with a few clicks and purchase the perfect gift.
Wedding Guest Etiquette: At the Wedding and Reception
1. Don’t be a no-show.
This is beyond rude. If something comes up, such as an illness or something equally as serious, do your best to contact the family and let them know you won’t be able to attend.
2. Don’t show up if you have declined.
Don’t decide to attend the wedding at the last minute and show up unannounced.
3. Don’t wear white
Unless the couple specifically asks you to, don’t wear white! Off-white, eggshell, cream, ivory, and all other white adjacent shades are also off-limits. Black is fine for an evening wedding (unless you are Italian, as I was informed by an Italian friend) but should be avoided for a spring or summer daytime wedding.
4. Dress appropriately.
Don’t wear anything too over-the-top, revealing, or provocative. All eyes should be on the bride.
5. Don’t be late.
Give yourself enough time to get to the wedding and be seated. I know what you’re thinking—weddings always start late. But this is not true. Once, I arrived at a wedding thinking I was right on time, but I was actually late. The bride’s limo pulled up as I was getting out of my car. I had to race (in my heels) to beat the bride into the church. It was embarrassing.
6. Turn off your phone.
This is a no-brainer. Also, don’t use your phone during the wedding or reception, don’t text, and don’t upload pictures to social media. Important Etiquette Tip: Don’t post photographs taken at the wedding or reception before the bride and groom have the opportunity. It’s their day; don’t steal the spotlight.
7. Stay out of the photographer’s way!
I was just at a wedding where the person in front of me blocked my view the entire ceremony. While that was rude, this was worse! She stuck her camera/phone in the aisle during the couple’s recessional. She blocked the view of the professional photographer and videographer as they were trying to capture that special moment. Please resist the urge to take photos during the ceremony. Leave it to the professionals to capture those moments. Then you can go crazy at the reception.
8. Give your congratulations to the couple.
Tell the bride she looks beautiful. If you don’t know the couple’s families, seek them out and introduce yourself. Thank them for inviting you and tell them what a lovely event it is or what an excellent time you are having. Don’t complain about anything. Everything will not be perfect, but you are there to celebrate the marriage. If you don’t like something, keep it to yourself.
9. Sit at your assigned table.
Again, remember rule number one—it’s not about you. Respect your host’s choices. A lot of thought goes into them, and it’s impossible for your host to come up with a seating arrangement that will please everyone. So grin and bear it.
10. Have a good time.
Couples worry about their guests having a good time. Try to be a good sport, dance, mingle, etc.
11. Don’t drink too much.
Don’t be obnoxious and make a scene at the reception. Enjoy yourself, but know your limits.
12. Don’t leave until the cake is cut.
It’s an old rule, but it’s still considered a sign to elderly guests that it’s okay to leave. That’s when it’s acceptable for you to go as well. The cake is typically cut after dinner and before the party gets into full swing.
If you have questions or comments about this post, gift giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding guest etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
Featured Image from depositphotos.com
Photos in the article are courtesy of Joy Lyn Photography, which offers wedding and newborn lifestyle photography in Chicago, IL.
It seems like u truly understand this subject matter. Thanks!