When an engagement is broken, who keeps the ring? Is it a question of etiquette or law?
Dear Cheryl,
My fiancé and I have decided to call off our wedding by mutual agreement. Am I now expected to return my engagement ring? Please advise.
-Samantha in Florida
Hi Samantha,
I’m sorry to hear about your wedding. I know this must have been a difficult decision.
Depending on your circumstances, this question can be viewed as either a legal question or a question of propriety and etiquette.
From a legal point of view, some states consider an engagement ring to be like any gift — the property of the person who receives it — so the bride is not obligated to return it. However, many states consider the engagement ring a conditional gift. Because the ring symbolizes the promise of marriage, it should be returned to the person who purchased it when the wedding does not occur. Florida law does consider the engagement ring a conditional gift, meaning it should be returned if the split is a mutual decision or if it’s initiated by the bride.
From an etiquette point of view, the circumstances of a broken engagement will determine if an engagement ring is returned. When the gentleman purchases the ring, he traditionally relinquishes it if he ends the engagement, though some women may choose to return it. If the woman cancels the engagement, it is considered correct for her to give back the ring. If a couple purchased the ring jointly, the one who keeps the ring should refund the other person’s money, or they might sell the ring and split the proceeds.
Engagements end for many different reasons, so this is a situation where you must let reason and your conscience be your guide. Since, in your case, the decision was mutual, you should probably return the ring, assuming it was purchased by your former fiancé.
If you have questions or comments about this post, gift giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email askcheryl@registryfinder.com.
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