If you’ve been engaged for more than ten minutes, you may have already realized that “planning mode” sets in quickly. Suddenly, brides-to-be feel like they’ve got dates to set and events to orchestrate. But is one of those events your own bridal shower? Let’s talk about it!
A Real Bride Asks:
“I’m recently engaged and have already been asked by a couple of people if they can throw a shower for me. I kind of have a vision of what I want my shower to be, but I’m not sure how much I get to say or ask for since neither me nor my mom is throwing this.”
First of all, bravo to this bride and her mom for waiting for friends to initiate the bridal shower planning. Many brides (and their moms) swoop in to host the bridal shower when others traditionally host these events. Because others are hosting, the bride (and her mom) are now free to receive the event as a gift in and of itself.
Just as the appropriate response to receiving a gift is gratitude, the best response to someone’s offer to throw a shower is a simple “Thank you SO much!”
There’s no need to cast a vision or make requests of your hostess. The wedding is your event to plan; the shower is your hostess’s. If her “vision” doesn’t perfectly match your “vibe,” it’s truly ok!
For many of us, the bridal shower is the first time we step into the “guest of honor” role. It can feel strange not to be the one working behind the scenes, selecting every detail and making every decision. If you’re a type-A bride, this can feel especially jarring, but let me encourage you: when it comes to your bridal shower, release control, relax, and receive the shower as a generous gift.
When it comes to the bridal shower, there are two areas of collaboration: the date and the guest list. The hostess usually gives the bride a few dates to choose from and also shares a ballpark number of guests she can accommodate. If she doesn’t give the bride a number, the bride can ask. Then, the bride provides the guest list with all the addresses.
The hostess is entirely responsible for the “vision,” including the theme, menu, activities, and total number of guests. Of course, if the hostess asks the bride for ideas on any of these things, the bride can share, but she should wait to be asked and shouldn’t respond by sharing an entire Pinterest board filled with “inspiration.”
Brides should always share two things: if the bride or her immediate family has allergies or dietary restrictions, the hostess would want to know and plan accordingly. Also, if the bride would prefer to skip any games that require her to be the center of attention (interview-style games, for example), it’s definitely ok to request that these be skipped.
Rest assured that shower hostesses are people who know you, love you, and want to shower you with love. They are there to make your day special and memorable. Let them!
For a deep dive into the bride’s role in the bridal shower, check out these posts: “How Involved Should I Be in My Bridal Shower?” and “What Should Brides Do For Their Own Bridal Showers?”
Have a Question for our Real Brides?
Let me know what topic you’d like us to tackle next! And if you’re interested in learning more about etiquette, gift-giving, and celebrating in style, be sure to subscribe to the RegistryFinder GiveIt blog for weekly posts on wedding etiquette, bridal showers, wedding trends, and, of course, wedding registry guidelines and tips! As always, refer your guests to RegistryFinder.com, where they can conveniently locate all of your registries in one place!
