It’s very common to receive an invitation to an “encore” wedding – the wedding of a couple getting married for the second or even third time. Choosing the perfect gift can be challenging, especially when it’s not their first time celebrating this special occasion, and it’s normal to wonder how much to spend.
Dear Cheryl,
My friends are getting married and this is the second time for both of them. How much money should I plan to spend on their wedding gift?
Jim
Dear Jim,
These days, there is not much difference in the traditions for first and second marriages. In most cases, traditional wedding gift etiquette applies. If you receive an invitation, it’s customary to send a gift, whether or not you can attend the wedding. And the amount you spend depends entirely on your budget and the closeness of your relationship with the couple. My article, “How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift,” addresses this question in depth.
However, one traditional etiquette rule uniquely applies to gifts for a second wedding. Those invited to the first wedding who have given a gift are not expected to gift again for the second wedding. However, those close to the couple usually want to give a wedding present regardless.
Deciding what to buy for a more established couple is often tricky. Knowing that friends and family will want to send a gift to celebrate the occasion, many encore couples are now creating gift registries to help guests understand what they need or prefer. You can search by name on RegistryFinder.com to find out if they have created a wedding registry.
If they don’t have a registry, check out these excellent gift suggestions in our article, “Wedding Gifts for a Second Marriage.”
Some couples that have been married before and are of a more mature age will make it known that they do not want gifts. If that is the case, you can and should follow those wishes.
If you have questions or comments about this post or gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
Questions in this column are received from readers. They may be edited for spelling, length, and grammar or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.
Hi Cheryl,
If my husband, myself and our two adult children are invited to my nieces wedding in which we are not attending, how much should we give as a cash gift?
Hi Michelle,
It’s difficult to determine how much to spend or give for a wedding gift— and with good reason— it’s a matter of opinion and what you feel you can afford.
The wedding gift is a long standing tradition representing a token of your affection and support for the couple getting married. There are no “hard and fast” rules, but the amount is based upon your budget and closeness to the couple, as well as the customs in your area.
My article, How Much Should you Spend on a Wedding Gift?, gives general guidelines and are averages for all income levels and regions of the country. Since it’s a close family member getting married, you would typically give more than a friend or acquaintance.
Whether to choose to attend the wedding should only affect your gift if it affects your budget. Some might give less when they attend because they had to spend for travel costs and accommodations, which may take away from their wedding gift budget. I also have heard that some feel they should give less if they don’t attend since the parents of the bride or the couple is not feeding them; but those two things are not and should not be related to one another.
Do you want to give a group gift from your whole family, including your adult children? Typically an adult cousin would purchase or give their own gift. However there is nothing wrong with giving a gift from all four of you.