– Ask Cheryl – Should I Have Been Invited to the Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party?

This reader wonders if she should have received an invitation to pre-wedding events …

Dear Cheryl,
My husband and I were invited to a wedding. A month before the event he was invited to the bachelor party. It came to my attention that I was not invited to either the bachelorette party or the bridal shower. Is this proper? My feelings are quite hurt. Since we donated all the wood for their DIY wedding décor, and my husband was invited to the groom’s party, would it not have been proper to also invite me to something?

Wedding decor. Wooden plaque with the inscription Wedding.

Dear Kyrie,

It’s tough when our feelings are hurt. However, there is no “rule of etiquette” that says you should be invited to a pre-wedding party simply because your husband was.

Bridal showers and bachelorette parties are usually reserved for those closest to the bride — attendants, other very close friends, and family members. Are you very close to the bride? Additionally, bridal showers and bachelorette parties require a financial commitment. Since you made a donation to the wedding décor, maybe the bride felt embarrassed to ask you to spend more money on a gift or party. She may have been trying to be considerate.

We all want to be included, but there are so many reasons invitations are not extended, so I would try not to be offended. From an etiquette point of view, there is no “quid pro quo” required. In other words, while making a donation to the wedding is a very kind gesture, it is a gift and you shouldn’t expect anything in return other than a sincere thank you note.

I hope you can enjoy the wedding and give the bride the benefit of the doubt.

If you have questions or comments about gift giving or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email [email protected].

Emails in this column are received from readers. Emails may be edited for spelling and grammar, or to remove sensitive information, however, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.

Cheryl Seidel is the founder and President of RegistryFinder.com, an intuitive search engine that helps gift givers quickly and easily find online registries for weddings, baby showers, graduations and more.

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