Today’s question comes from a reader who feels she has an out when it comes to the etiquette rule that you should send a gift if you are invited to the wedding, and I might agree . . .

Hi Cheryl,

My husband and I recently received invitations to two weddings from couples we hardly know. We are not planning to attend either wedding. Do we still need to give a gift?

Thanks,
Margarita

Hi Margarita,

Traditionally, etiquette states that if you are invited to a wedding, you should send a gift, whether or not you can attend. However, since the wedding gift is a token of affection and support for the couple getting married, the above etiquette “rule” assumes that you have a relationship with the couple or even the couple’s parents. It also assumes that they want you to share their special day. Since you hardly know them, it begs the question, “Why were you invited in the first place?”

Is this someone from work or from your church who invited you out of a perceived obligation? Will you see these couples again regularly?

If you do not anticipate seeing these couples or continuing a relationship with them, I don’t think you should feel obligated to give a gift. Gifting is always at the discretion of the gift giver, so you should not feel pressured. Make sure you RSVP your regrets, and then possibly send a card or note of congratulations. However, if you think you will continue a relationship with these couples, I would also send a token gift in the $50 price range. Perhaps these couples are fond of you or your husband and genuinely want you to be present on their wedding day.

Knowing when a gift is required can be confusing. To answer more wedding gifting questions, check our guide, When Do I Take a Gift: Wedding Edition.

If you have questions or comments about gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.

Emails in this column are received from readers. Emails may be edited for spelling, length, and grammar or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.

Cheryl Seidel is the founder and President of RegistryFinder.com, an intuitive search engine that helps gift givers quickly and easily find online registries for weddings, baby showers, graduations, and more.