Choosing your bridal party can feel like solidifying your inner circle: it’s a big decision that carries symbolic weight, as well as real-life responsibilities. Your bridesmaids are your best friends, but they’ll also be your advisors, party planners, personal assistants, and more in the months leading up to the wedding.

So how’s a bride to choose?

Don’t Choose Someone Just Because They Chose You

The role of bridesmaid doesn’t have to be reciprocal. Just because you were a bridesmaid for a friend or family member, it doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to ask them to be in your bridal party. In fact, if your friendship has changed since the time of their wedding (which it probably has), they may be happy to attend your wedding and simply enjoy it as a guest!

Don’t Choose Someone Just to Keep the Sides “Even”

Even if your groom comes from a large family or has a dozen fraternity brothers or teammates, there’s no need for you to keep adding bridesmaids for the sake of symmetry. Feel free to mix up the ceremony recessional and introductions (or skip them altogether!)

Don’t Choose Someone Just Because You’re Afraid They’ll Be Upset If You Don’t

Of course, we all want to do everything in our power to avoid hurting others. But choosing someone based on fear or due to any kind of pressure is bound to lead to MORE conflict in the future, not less.

While they may feel an initial sting when they realize they’ve been left out, many women are actually relieved to enjoy their friends’ weddings without the costs that come with being a bridesmaid.

Do Take Your Time

There’s no need to rush the bridesmaid proposal soon after your own proposal! Take your time and get the major wedding planning out of the way: set the date, find the venue, and determine your overall vision for the day. Then, think about your bridal party. You may realize you’d prefer a more low-key vibe that favors a small group (or no bridal party at all!). Depending on when and where you get married, your bridal party shouldn’t need more than 6 months to a year to plan their travel and budget for the big day, so give yourself some time to decide!

Do Imagine the Day-Of

Believe it or not, you’ll spend more time with your bridesmaids on your wedding day than you will with your groom! So think about who you want by your side on the morning of while you get ready, put on your dress, and face the inevitable snafu that’s bound to come up, even with the best laid plans. Who makes you laugh? Who puts your mind at ease? Who helps you focus on what really matters? These are the girls you want standing by your side as you say I do.

Do Imagine the Future

While it’s obvious that your bridesmaids are the people who will be with you on your wedding day, think about who will support you in all the days that follow. Will the women by your side be the ones you turn to for advice and encouragement? Will they offer a listening ear and a helping hand in the years to come? Do you respect their advice and value their perspective? Those are the people you should choose!

You may be wondering…

Do I have to tell someone that they’re NOT going to be my bridesmaid?

In general, there’s no need to “break the news” to someone that they’re not included in something, whether it’s a birthday party or a bridal party. However, if you’re skipping a bridal party altogether or only having family members, filling your friends in on your plans may make sense.

Can I still invite friends who are not bridesmaids to my bridal shower and bachelorette weekend?

Absolutely! This can be a lovely way for people to gather and participate!

What about honorary bridesmaids and “something blue” crews?

While the titles are adorable, they can be problematic if used to create two tiers of friends: official bridesmaids and a secondary, “less-than” tier. Read this article to decide if making a separate designation is right for you or simply ask friends to participate in the wedding by attending a pre-wedding celebratory event, as mentioned above.

The Bottom Line: Your Bridal Party is Forever

That’s a little dramatic; obviously, the only person who you’re promising to love and cherish ‘til death do you part is your future spouse. But you do want the people who surround you to have a permanent place in your life, too. Whether you end up with 2 or 12 bridesmaids, I hope they always play a special part in your story!

Featured Image from Kallima Photography