From backyard barbecues to rooftop hotels, you can choose some fabulous places to have your rehearsal dinner, making it the perfect kick-off for your wedding weekend.

This popular wedding tradition is usually held the night before, right after the ceremony rehearsal. Its purpose is to gather the most important people to the bride and groom for a time of celebration in a relaxed atmosphere the evening before the wedding.

Who hosts?

Traditionally,  the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom’s parents. This event is one the bride and groom can scratch off their “to-do” list. Most parents of the groom are excited to play a part in the wedding planning, and the rehearsal dinner is their moment to shine.

Still, collaboration is key. Parents of the groom: collaborate with the couple on their overall vision for the evening. Couples: release control of the details and aesthetics of this night and focus on the big day instead!

If the groom’s parents are not able to take on the responsibility of this event, it is entirely acceptable for the bride and groom or another relative or friend to host.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Planning the Rehearsal Dinner

7 steps for making sure the rehearsal evening is a relaxing, unforgettable night:

1. Determine the guest list.

Start with the people who are part of the ceremony rehearsal: the bridal party, the officiant, child attendants and their parents, vocalist, readers, etc. You should also include the spouses and “plus ones” of the wedding party and your immediate family members.

Next, consider extending invitations to family members, such as aunts and uncles, who play an important role in the bride’s and groom’s lives. These invitations should be extended equally to both the bride’s and groom’s sides of the family (for example, if the groom’s aunts and uncles are invited, the bride’s aunts and uncles should be invited as well).

Traditionally, rehearsal dinners also include family and friends who have traveled to attend the wedding. If many guests fall into this category, consider hosting a more casual welcome party instead of, or in addition to, a rehearsal dinner.

2. Find a location.

Of course, your budget and guest list are the most important factors when choosing a rehearsal dinner venue. Keep in mind that rehearsal dinners can take any form, from a casual backyard BBQ to a formal dinner. The only requirement is that you don’t outshine the wedding.

Get creative! You could choose a sentimental location, such as the restaurant where the couple had their first date or host at home. If out-of-town guests will be attending, consider a location convenient to where they are staying and where the wedding will be held.

3. Send invitations.

While many couples are now adding rehearsal dinner information to their invitation suites and websites, I recommend mailing a separate invitation if the groom’s parents are hosting. This provides clarity for guests regarding their RSVPs and allows the groom’s parents to track those responses.

While mailed invitations are most traditional, it is also acceptable to extend the invitation digitally. There are many lovely digital invitation options, like this one from Minted.

The invitations should be sent around the same time as the wedding invitations so guests can plan their travel accordingly.

Be sure to include the following information on an invitation:

• The names of the couple
• The event date, time, and location
• The RSVP deadline and method (email is often easiest)
• Any additional information that would be helpful to guests, such as the dress code

4. Plan your menu and choose a theme.

Get inspired by the time of the year, the wedding weekend location, and your overall vision for the event: would you like your guests to get dressed up and enjoy a seated dinner? Or would you like the rehearsal to be a casual time for guests to mix and mingle? Consider serving some of the bride and groom’s favorite foods, or use the rehearsal dinner to show off local flavors.

My son and his future bride are getting married in Lexington, Kentucky, known for thoroughbred farms, horse racing, and bourbon. Most of the bride’s family are traveling from out of state and invited to the rehearsal dinner. To show off the best of Kentucky, the dinner’s theme will be based around regional favorites such as the traditional Hot Brown, beer cheese grits, and the groom’s bourbon of choice, Weller. The table centerpieces will be set with bourbon barrel lids used to display candles, and sterling silver mint julep cups will serve as vases containing red roses in honor of the Kentucky Derby.

5. Create an agenda.

Because the rehearsal dinner falls between the ceremony rehearsal and the big day itself, timing is vital. You want the couple and their attendants to arrive relaxed and leave in plenty of time to get a good night’s rest.

First, consider the ceremony rehearsal to determine a start time for the rehearsal dinner. Most rehearsals take anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half. Be sure to factor in travel time to the dinner location as well. Rehearsals can be stressful, so factoring in extra time is helpful so no one feels rushed!

A cocktail hour can provide a nice buffer, giving everyone time to arrive and mingle. Once dinner is served, you may choose to set aside time for toasts and other special touches.

The host (often the groom’s father) makes the first toast, welcoming guests and expressing his pleasure about the upcoming nuptials. Consider opening the floor for anyone who would like to say a toast or share a story about the bride and groom. For a special touch, you can display a slide show featuring milestones of the bride and groom and special moments throughout their courtship. If you’d like to do this, coordinate with the bride’s side of the family so you have plenty of time to scan pictures and set it to music.

Before everyone leaves, set aside time for last-minute reminders and any announcements regarding the wedding day. And most importantly, leave time for thank you’s from the bride and groom.

6. Other notable additions to the rehearsal dinner:

• A guest book, even for the rehearsal dinner, is a good idea for remembering who attended for years to come.
• Plan to have someone there to take pictures. Some photographers offer rehearsal dinner coverage as an add-on to their wedding package.
• Ensure everyone in the wedding party is prepared for the next day. Remind them of what items they should bring and when they are expected to arrive to get ready for the wedding.

7. Be flexible.

Go ahead and prepare for the fact that not everything is going to be perfect. The schedule may get a little off track. You might have a guest cancel at the last minute due to delayed travel plans. The evening may look a little different than what you envisioned. But don’t let these unexpected elements throw you off! After all, you want this night to be a special time for the bride and groom, and a chance to spend quality time with those they love before they walk down the aisle to say “I do”.