While it may seem that “anything goes” regarding wedding etiquette these days, there are a few firm rules about guest lists and gift obligations.
Dear Cheryl,
My daughter has already had one shower which included me, her sisters, her bridesmaids and their mothers. Now she is having another shower given by an aunt and she wants to invite all of the above people and some others – even some that are not invited to the wedding.
How do you explain that this isn’t appropriate? I understand that I, as mother of the bride, would invited to all of the showers, but I’ve never heard of inviting people to multiple showers.
Thank you,
Concerned Mother of the Bride
Dear Mother of the Bride,
The first and most concerning issue: you should never invite someone to a pre-wedding event who is not invited to the wedding. This is especially true of bridal showers. Since bridal showers are gift-giving events, it is considered rude to invite a guest to the shower and not the wedding. Doing so, you basically say to these guests, “You’re not important enough to be invited to the wedding, but please buy me a shower gift.” If you phrase it to your daughter that way, maybe she will understand that it’s insulting.
Inviting the bride’s sisters and even bridesmaids to more than one wedding shower is not uncommon. However, bridesmaids should not be expected to travel to attend any shower.
If some bridesmaids attend both showers, your daughter should know that they are only obligated to bring a gift to one of the events. I understand that she’s excited about all of her pre-wedding festivities, and I’m sure her friends are excited for her, but she should still be considerate of their time. If she puts too much of a burden on her bridesmaids, tensions can quickly arise. Your daughter could tell her friends, “I’d love to have you there, but since you already came to my other shower, please don’t feel you need to attend.” That way, they will have more time and energy when she needs help in other areas.
The bridesmaids’ mothers should not be invited to a second shower. The only exception I can think of is if one is the bride’s Godmother or fills the role of a close family member.
If you have questions or comments about this post or gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email [email protected].
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