Have you been invited to a baby or bridal shower but can’t go? Should you send a gift if you can’t be there in person?
Dear Cheryl,
Can I send my gift directly to the person’s home if I’m not attending the shower?
Gail
Hi Gail,
I recommend against it. If you receive a shower invitation but are unable to attend for any reason, you don’t need to give a gift for the shower.
Here are the gifting guidelines:
When invited to a wedding, a bridal shower, or a baby shower, keep these guidelines in mind:
- The Wedding Ceremony – it is customary to send a gift, regardless of whether you can attend the wedding or not.
- Bridal Shower – bring a gift if you can join the party. If you can’t be present, save that budget for the wedding gift.
- Baby Shower – If you are invited to a baby shower, bring a gift if you plan to attend the event. If you’re unable to attend, consider sending a baby gift to the expectant mother’s home instead.
Why not send a gift to the shower?
Please don’t feel obligated to send a gift to be opened at the shower if you can’t be there. But why not?
- First, while your intentions are appreciated, sending a gift ahead of time can create extra work for the shower host. They already have a lot to manage and don’t need the added responsibility of keeping track of additional gifts sent to their home.
- One key reason gifts are opened during the shower festivities is that it allows the giver to experience the joy of seeing their gift opened. It also provides an opportunity for the guest of honor to make eye contact and thank them in person. When gifts from absent guests are opened, it can feel awkward for everyone involved.
- Moreover, additional gifts can extend the duration of the shower, making it longer and potentially more tedious, as the guest of honor has to open more presents.
- Finally, keep in mind that the address linked to the guest of honor’s registry is typically their home address, so you’ll need to coordinate where to send the gift.
I had one shower hostess tell me that guests who could not attend sent gifts to her and asked her to wrap them. Really?? That’s just not OK!
In summary, don’t make it about you. If you can’t attend a shower, save your money for a larger wedding gift, or send a baby gift to the mom-to-be’s home. For more information on when to give a gift, please check our articles, When Do I Take a Gift: Wedding Edition? and When Are Baby Gifts Required?
If you have questions or comments about gift-giving, bridal showers, baby showers, or wedding etiquette, please leave a comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.
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Cheryl Seidel is the founder and President of RegistryFinder.com, an intuitive search engine that helps gift givers quickly and easily find online registries for weddings, baby showers, graduations, and more.
