Wedding etiquette can get a little tricky when there is a divorce in the family. Being a “former” extended family member might mean you are excluded from the wedding guest list; but is it obligatory or even ok to send a gift?

Dear Cheryl,

I am divorced, but a niece from his side is getting married. Of course, my ex-husband and his wife are going to the wedding, but I was not invited. We are her godparents. Should I still send a gift?

Hi Pam,

Thanks for writing!

Traditional etiquette tells us that you do not send a gift if you are not invited to the wedding. It is also traditional in our culture to show love and support of a couple getting married with a wedding gift.

Gifting is a personal choice; and in this situation, whatever you choose to do will be the right thing.  If you feel close to your niece and feel you want to send a gift, then go right ahead. If you feel it will be awkward, or you are uncomfortable, then don’t. You could also send a nice letter or card to express your well wishes.

Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean the end of relationships with extended family, but it does often make it more difficult; and it’s understandable that she would not be able to invite you to the wedding. In summary, you are not obligated to send a gift, but are certainly free to do so if you wish.

If you have questions or comments about gift giving, bridal shower, baby shower, or wedding etiquette, please comment below or email AskCheryl@RegistryFinder.com.

Emails in this column are received from readers. Emails may be edited for spelling, length and grammar, or to remove sensitive information. However, we are careful not to alter the intent or content of the question.