Destination weddings seem to become more popular every year. With the ease of planning online and snagging great travel deals, why not have your wedding weekend double as a vacation for family and friends?
Yet a wedding that involves travel may also lead you into uncharted etiquette territory–and we’re here to help! Read on for the most frequently asked destination wedding etiquette questions I receive via the Ask a Real Bride Instagram community. We cover everything from invitations and plus ones to hotel blocks and gifts!
Jump to Section:
I: Save the Dates and Invitations
III: Bachelorette Weekends and Bridal Showers
VI: Rehearsal Dinners and Welcome Parties
Save the Dates and Invitations for a Destination Wedding
“When should we send save the dates and invitations for our destination wedding?”
The typical timeline for sending wedding correspondence is as follows:
Save the Dates: 6 months to one year before the wedding
Invitations: 6-8 weeks before the wedding
For a destination wedding, you may consider sending save the dates closer to the one year mark. Be sure to share a link to your wedding website, and build it out with helpful information regarding travel and lodging. Send out your wedding invitations around 8-10 weeks before the wedding.
Trust me: sending your wedding invitations any further out will not result in quicker replies. Your guests will lose a sense of urgency to make a decision, and your invitation may fall to the bottom of their to-do list: “I’ll think about this later.” If you’re concerned about “late” replies, check out these tips on getting your guests to reply promptly!
“Should I still send invitations to people who told us right away that they wouldn’t be able to come?”
Once your guests learn that your wedding isn’t local to them, they may let you know that travel isn’t possible. But I recommend sending the invite anyway: you want them to know that they’re thought of and loved, and sending the invitation will allow you to invite them to any local pre-wedding events, like a bridal shower or bachelorette (more on that later).
Before you mail the invitation, you could always send a short and sweet text like, “Just popped your wedding invitation in the mail–I wanted you to know we love you and are keeping our fingers crossed plans change!”
The Guest List for a Destination Wedding
“Should all single guests get a plus one to a destination wedding?”
It’s not a hard and fast rule that a destination wedding mandates plus ones for everyone over 18, but it is a nice touch if you know your unmarried guest is traveling alone or won’t know many others at the wedding. For example: your 19 year old cousin may be fine without a plus one, but your unmarried college friend may not feel as comfortable attending alone. Use your judgment on this one, but err on the side of generosity if you can.
Worried someone is going to ask for a plus one? We’ve got you covered with how to respond to plus-one requests.
Reminder: fiances, spouses, and live-in partners are not “plus ones.” These partners should always be invited as a unit and by name on the envelope. More on addressing envelopes here.
“Can I have a B-List for a destination wedding?”
It all depends on how quickly your “A-List” guests reply. Let’s say you send your invitations out 8 or 10 weeks in advance, receive a few no’s, and can mail B-List invitations within the 6 to 8 week window–go for it. These guests still have plenty of time to make travel arrangements and will never know they weren’t in the original round of invitations.
The exception? Distant or new friends, as well as younger family members, might not mind a more last-minute invite, especially if they’re frequent fliers! In these cases, an enthusiastic, personal call to explain the situation is more fitting–and it may inspire them to book a spontaneous trip to celebrate! For more on B-Lists, hop over to this post.
“I’m planning a kid-free destination wedding, but one of the groomsmen will have a newborn. How do we handle this?”
Hosting a child-free destination wedding is going to affect replies: some parents don’t have the access or means to hire reliable overnight sitters, and you’ll have to be understanding when parents on the guest list send their regrets.
If you really want your friends with children to be in your bridal party at a kid-free, destination wedding, you’ll have to provide some kind of onsite babysitting service, or accept their “no.”
Newborns, however, can’t be left with a sitter, and telling your groomsman that he can’t bring the baby is essentially telling him that his partner can’t come either. I recommend allowing his partner to bring the baby to the wedding, and asking your wedding coordinator or ushers to seat her in the back so she can slip out easily in case of crying. Other than that, you won’t notice the presence of a newborn!
Bachelorette Weekends and Bridal Showers for a Destination Wedding
“If I’m having a destination wedding, is it ok to also have a destination bachelorette weekend?”
When it comes to bachelorette weekends, the best thing a bride can do is sit back and let her bridal party take the lead. Instead of starting the group text yourself with your bachelorette wishes, wait for your maid of honor to ask for your input, and let her “feel out” the other girls to gauge their interest and ability to travel twice: they may be excited to take two trips, or they may let her know it’s just too much to tackle. Wait for them to come to you with a plan, and remember: when it comes to bridesmaids’ spending, the bachelorette is an extra, not an obligation.
“I feel bad about having a bridal shower for my destination wedding. Isn’t it too much to ask of my friends and family?”
Once again, the name of the game here is sitting back and waiting for someone to offer to host. If a friend or family member would like to throw a bridal shower, it’s definitely ok to joyfully accept! Most guests will simply split their gift budget between the shower gift and the wedding gift (more on that next).
One of the bride’s responsibilities when it comes to the bridal shower is providing a guest list– be sure everyone who is invited to the shower is also invited to the wedding!
Gifts for a Destination Wedding
“Is it ok to create a wedding registry for a destination wedding?”
It’s not just ok–we highly recommend creating a gift registry or two for your wedding, no matter where it’s held. Why? Registries provide options for your guests, allowing them to select a gift they know you’ll love that also fits their budget. There’s no need to say anything about your registry on your invitation. Your guests who want to find it will do so either by word of mouth, on your website, or through a search engine like RegistryFinder.com! For more registry “do’s and don’ts,” check out this post.
“What if we just want monetary gifts?”
Even if cash is all you want, we really, really recommend that you also create a traditional registry for your destination wedding. Your guests are spending a significant amount of money to simply be present at your wedding. That may leave them with a smaller amount to give, and they may prefer to put that amount toward an actual gift rather than contributing what feels like an insignificant “drop in the bucket” to your honeymoon or cash fund. Options are key, and a registry of physical items won’t stop anyone from giving cash. Not sure what to register? We have lots of ideas for the couple who feels they “already have everything.”
“What’s the best way to tell guests we don’t really need wedding gifts? We know they’re spending a lot to get to the wedding, but we know some people will still insist on getting us something.”
My advice here is to “pick a lane.” A statement like, “We don’t need anything, but if you insist, here’s a link to our fund/registry” is confusing at best and disingenuous at worst. Create a registry with options at every price point, high and low, make it available on your wedding website, and leave it to your guests to find something in their budget or give cash–no preamble or disclaimer necessary.
If you really don’t want gifts, consider a message on your website like, “Your friendship is a treasured gift and the only one we desire.” Guests will feel at ease simply sending a card with well-wishes and joyfully attending.
Hotels and Welcome Bags
“Are we required to set up a hotel block for our destination wedding? We’re worried about having to pay for empty rooms.”
Every hotel offers different options for hotel blocks–make some calls to determine if you’ll have to guarantee a number of rooms and if you can continue adding rooms as you go. At the very least, try to secure one block of rooms at the hotel you’d like for your immediate families and bridal party to stay.
If you’re running into challenges with setting up multiple blocks, let me put your mind at ease: guests are more interested in options than discount codes. The room block discount isn’t usually much less than the price listed on the website anyway.
Scope out 2 or 3 hotels that have different price points. Link to the best house-rental site in the area, and share info regarding Uber vs. Lyft, and where to shop, eat, and explore. That information is more valuable than a room block discount code to most of your guests!
“Are welcome bags necessary?”
Welcome bags are cute, but they add up quickly and can become a logistical nightmare if guests are staying at different hotels and/or renting homes. I’d file this under, “nice, but not necessary.” Consider hosting a welcome party instead.
Rehearsal Dinners, Welcome Parties, and More
“Do we have to invite everyone who’s traveled to the wedding to our rehearsal dinner?”
Simply put: no! Following this traditional rule (which originated when most weddings were held in the bride’s hometown) would essentially mean duplicating the wedding guest list the night before, and for many couples, that’s just not feasible. Start with the people who are part of the ceremony rehearsal: the bridal party, the officiant, child attendants and their parents, readers, etc. You should also include the spouses and “plus ones” of the wedding party and immediate family members.
For more on rehearsal dinners, head to this post written by a recent mother of the groom!
“People are telling me that we should be hosting ‘extra’ events for our destination wedding, like a welcome party or day-after brunch. Is this really necessary?”
Wedding weekend events fall into the category of, “nice, but not necessary.” If you’d rather dedicate your entire budget to the wedding, instead of spreading it out among multiple events, that’s totally up to you. Guests should never be the ones pressuring their hosts to do more for them–they should simply decide to attend or not attend the wedding.
Destination Wedding Etiquette for Guests:
“How do I tell my friend I can’t afford to attend her destination wedding?”
Mail in your reply card, and follow up with a phone call or text that keeps the focus on your friend, not your budget: “I just dropped my reply card in the mail, and I wanted to let you know how much I’ll miss celebrating with you! Unfortunately, I can’t swing a trip to Mexico this year, but I can’t wait to see pictures and hear all about it!” Visit the wedding website to find her registry and give a gift that fits your budget.
“What’s the expectation for wedding gifts when traveling to a destination wedding?”
It’s completely understandable that your gift budget may be diminished due to travel costs. Hopefully, the couple has registered for gifts at a variety of price points, and you’ll be able to find something within your budget. If not, you may consider giving something handmade or meaningful: a recipe book filled with family favorites, a framed quotation or Bible verse, or a heartfelt card that will be cherished by the couple!
Have a Question for our Real Brides?
Let me know what topic you’d like us to tackle next! And if you’re interested in learning more about etiquette, gift-giving, and celebrating in style, be sure to subscribe to the RegistryFinder GiveIt blog for weekly posts on wedding etiquette, bridal showers, wedding trends, and of course, wedding registry guidelines and tips! And as always, refer your guests to RegistryFinder.com, where they can conveniently locate all of your registries in one place!
